looking back

I am fairly green in this blogging thingy. The good thing about it is I'm enjoying it a lot. I treat it as an outlet of my emotions and sometimes therapy for my wounded ego. Most of the time though, giving my 2 cents is enough to feed my need to share info.. Friends, the following is the very first blog i posted in friendster some months back. I suppose its obvious how I was feeling back then.

i am a traveler

I’ve always believed i am a traveler. what matters to me the most is the journey and not the destination. i have always tried to give it my all in everything that i do however difficult the challenges maybe. i am proud of my achievements and prouder still of my failures for without them, i am nothing but an ordinary joe without any depth.

I would say life has been kind to me for i have had the chance to travel far and wide. i have met people of various ways and even got the chance to mingle intimately with some. and in all these journeys, i have learned a lot. i have learned how it feels to hate, how it feels to be angry, desperate, betrayed confused, depressed with the people around me , with the situation i am in, with the person i am intimate with.

but above all the things i have learned, there are things that will stand out the most and that is having learned how , to trust, to care, to love, to hope. because you see, without these things, how can one enjoy traveling?

one must TRUST that every step he takes will lead him somewhere worthwhile….

one must CARE enough of what he is doing; for that is the very essence of the whole endeavor…

one must LOVE the people he meets, the things he sees and encounters for they serve as the fuel that propels you to continue on..

one must HOPE that everything will go well and stay the same for the longest possible time for without it, the traveler would need to take the first step among many in a yet another journey……..

sadly my friends, i travel again!!

Please feel free to comment on this topic. I'm sure your piece of mind will help straighten my thoughts.

be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid

I once had a friend that i did not really get to know well enough. She used to belong to the same class that i used to teach. Unfortunately, for reasons which are obviously more important than my class, she dropped out. Needless to say, I never really talked with her again until one day, some weeks ago I chanced upon her in friendster,. Actually I was looking for my ex because she blocked me out of her account ( sorry about this Kers). She being a common friend between my ex-girlfriend and I, her name popped out. So i thought what the heck, might as well click on her and so I did. I found out she is working in the same City I am currently in. I thought for a while and then decided to send her a message..... an invite.

After a few days, I logged in on my account and there it was... her reply. I felt excited. I felt elated. After a year of no contact and despite only a few days we shared in class together, she still remembered me! Her reply contained her phone number and so we started texting. Fortune smiled upon me again when she invited me to watch a movie. Not just any movie but a premiere showing. Wow! how lucky can be I said to myself. Come to think of it, I haven't been inside a theater for at least 2 years I think. The last movie I watched was Star Wars Episode I ( poor me). After the movie I wanted to chat a little bit more but she has to run an errand. I asked her if I can accompany her but she declined and had to leave immidiately . I wonder if I have I lost my touch with women... i sure hope not!! Anyway, I have her number. I know where to find her. I know this innocent encounter will lead us to get to know more about each other and in the end become better friends.

The good thing about this experience is it showed me some light, some sign of hope. It has taught me that no matter how huge the odds are, if you do not bet on it, you will never win. Conversely, no matter how minute or miniscule your chances are, just give it a try, for you will never know what awaits you in the end. Have a little faith brother. Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid!!!

an excerpt on taking risks

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing the sentimental
To reach out for another
is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To live is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure


But risks must be taken;
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing
has nothing and is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow
but they can not learn, feel, change, grow, live
Chained by their attitude, they are a slave
they have forfeited their freedom
Only the person who risks is free

--- anonymous

new beginnings

I have always been fickle-minded in almost everything i do. Most of my friends and family jokingly describe me as s being a "jack of all trades but a master of none".. ..this admittedly is very true. I have always thought I was in control and that all of my decisions are good but most often than not the outcome of these decisions would prove me wrong. I don't feel any regrets though knowing I'm still breathing and very much alive. I believe, anything that don't kill you can only make you stronger. I just try to be extra careful nowadays.



Being fickle-minded as I have previously pointed out definitely has chipped a lot off my shoulders over the years. One instance is about a decision I made when I was still a college student. I fell attracted to two particular women in my class. I knew they felt the same way towards me as well ... at least the attraction was mutual but God!, 2 girls? Whew! Anyway... i decided to choose between the two. Needless to say, I chose wrong and i ended up bagging neither of the two.... and offending at least one of them because of how i handled "my dilemma" Talk about twists of fate huh?



14 years and a few relationships later, I chanced upon the one "I did not choose" in cyberspace. Actually, i looked for her relentlessly until I finally located her. We started chatting and communicating. Then I made another decision... I apologized for the offense I made. I groped for words big time! I didn't know where to start or how but somehow I mustered the courage to lay my cards and present them to her. Until now she says she hasn't forgiven me for the incident. Nevertheless I invited her to come over our house to celebrate my birthday. I was really surprised she said yes. Wow! We spent the whole day chatting in person this time at catching on our life stories after college. We went out for coffee after dinner and chatted a little more. When we finally went our separate ways I decided to update my emails and there in cyberspace our paths crossed again... knowingly or not, consciously or not, it didn't matter. What mattered was we were still talking, chatting and as the exchange of info went on... I once again ended up with a decision. This time I know what I want. I'm fickle-minded no more..

an excerpt on taking risks

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing the sentimental
To reach out for another
is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd
is to risk their loss
To live is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure


But risks must be taken;
because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
The person who risks nothing
has nothing and is nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow
but they can not learn, feel, change, grow, live
Chained by their attitude, they are a slave
they have forfeited their freedom
Only the person who risks is free

--- anonymous